Ny slips och lönepåslag

Jag är långt ifrån ensam om att ha klättrat på en stege som lutar mot fel vägg.

Mitt liv bestod av att klättra. Tänkte att när jag når toppen, då borde jag väl bli lycklig.

Under tiden så hankade jag mig fram genom mer arbete, mer material eller sänkte medvetandet i spritbaren.

En låda vin är man väl värd efter en hård arbetsvecka.

Tre veckor i Karibien på semester och nya teknikprylar. Eller en ny bil kanske jag skulle må bra av.

Ett ekorrhjul utan mening.

Jag kunde se mig själv i den där nya slipsen jag jagade, nästan där. Alltid nära. Nytt lönepåslag. Lite högre status.

-Tjenare, hur är läget?

-Joråsåatte, bara fint vettu.

Jag kunde lura mig själv dock. Serotoninnivåerna kunde ju tillfälligt amplifieras på ett köpcentrum, och tomheten kunde jag fly med horor och kokain.

 

I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer. – Jim Carrey

 

När jag efter min sjunde ayahuascaceremoni blev ombedd att beskriva min upplevelse med två ord svarade jag: mörker och sjukdom. Andra deltagare sa ljus och kärlek. Men dit hade jag själv en bra bit kvar.

Först måste de negativa ut, för att sedan kunna fyllas med ljus. Det enda positiva jag kunde tänka var väl att om jag hade så mycket mörker i mig, borde det finnas mycket plats för ljus också.

Jag kunde i mina visioner se död vävnad på insidan, hur jag skulle utveckla fysisk sjukdom om jag fortsatte mitt liv som jag gjorde.

Ayahuascan bad mig att åka tillbaka till Amazonas och avsluta det jag påbörjat.

 

“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” – Carl Jung

 

Det blev aldrig någon ny slips.

Istället började en lång resa som har gett mig både möjlighet att skina ljus på det mörka, men också skapat mening i mitt liv, och ro i själen.

De flesta spirituella ledare oavsett linje är överens om att lycka kan endast hittas om man letar på insidan.

Som ignorant ateist skulle jag dock förkasta allt som hade med andlighet att göra. Och ingen spirituell ledare eller bok skulle kunnat ha lyckats övertyga mig om det jag har fått bevittna och uppleva med medicinen.

Ayahuasca är ingen dogmatisk livsåskådning, utan ett verktyg för spirituell och personlig utveckling. Och du behöver inte tro på någonting, bara vara modig att dricka det.

Ekonomin är såklart numera är långt ifrån guldåren, men jag har tagit mig ur den spirituella fattigdom jag länge befann mig i. Och idag har jag privilegiet att få ta del av och vara närvarande i andras läkande och transformationer, samtidigt som jag fortsätter min egna resa med att utforska Ayahuascans möjligheter.

Ibland tänker jag, att jag är världens lyckligaste man.

 

Sista slipsen.
Under pokerns guldår var jag miljonär tre gånger. Men lyckan var plastig.
Osos perezosos
Hyddan jag bodde i den första tiden. Kontrast mot en svit på 38:de våningen på Hotel Borgata.
Här byggde vi La Luna
Gud morgon
Med min shaman och mentor Don Guido
När min son hälsade på första gången i djungeln var jag utan tvekan världens lyckligaste man

 

 

 

 

275 svar på “Ny slips och lönepåslag”

  1. Wow, jag blir verkligen inspirerad av dina texter och kan känna igen mig i det du skriver om att sträva efter ett luftslott. Jag borde vara lycklig nu – det var vad de sa, allt jag har nu är vad de sa att jag skulle önska mig.

    Jag åkte på min första ayahuasca upplevelse i Oktober i Costa Rica. Det var magiskt, och sedan dess har jag inte känt mig hemma i Sverige och funderar starkt på att ge mig iväg igen. På obestämd tid. Längtar efter mer läkning, insikt och utveckling. Ha det fint.

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